11th May 2020- I know I shouldn’t blame my parents for my past or current attitude to life but this morning’s conversation with my mother made me again realize perhaps why I do or did worry so much about life. In the space of 10 minutes without boring you with the finer details my dear mother managed to bring up three different topics and declare her underlying worry for each one. After each topic I had to stop her and remind her of the impending doom upon which she had focused her attention and point out they hadn’t actually happened yet. The current situations were still positive, perhaps if she just focused on that, she wouldn’t have so much to worry about!
In my present predicament I have no space in my life for negativity, I’m fighting a minute by minute battle to keep my demons at bay. My mind keeps teasing me with flashbacks of the accident and then on the flipside (like a true hypocrite dear mother) I’m resisting the urge to worry about the future! My current modus operandi is to remain fixed in the present and any thoughts for the future are limited to positive goals which I want to brand onto my brain with a red hot iron, cowboy style!
I find myself now not only on a mission to redirect the entire course of my life to the ‘Island of Positive Thinking’, I’m also on a one son mission to get my mother on board as well! Perhaps a few hours with Tony Robbins and some affirmations is all I need. Tomorrow I’m back at hospital for another dressing change, perhaps I should call ahead and make sure they’ve got the gas on standby!