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#5- ‘judge not lest ye be judged’

Prior to the accident I was not a religious person and even now in my capacitated and amended state, I would still not call myself religious but I can’t lie and say I didn’t utter a prayer or three over the past few days. I prayed for my first surgery to be successful, which unfortunately it wasn’t, maybe that was Gods way of saying “uh uh uh!!! you cant just dip your toe in the water when its suits you mate, you need to show some sincere faith and belief if you want help from above!”

My life had not been a productive one beforehand, I wasn’t a bad person but I certainly hadn’t embraced the gift of life and seized upon the opportunities that laid before me. I was full of resentment, repressed anger and had lost my way, I was searching for answers and was getting nowhere. Looking back over the last few years there were clear sign posts, messages screaming at me with answers, if I had just lifted my head a little higher perhaps I would of seen them in time. As they say, you won’t find answers at the bottom of the bottle, I wasn’t an alcoholic but I did choose a glass of wine more often than not to drown out the world.

Nothing in life excited me and I had become so blinkered I couldn’t see how good I really had it, which led me to my cavalieristic attitude and the resulting accident which cost me part of my left hand and three fingers. I had paid the ultimate price and now had no choice but to embark on a more worthwhile life otherwise I would just shrink and die.

I never looked down at anyone but I would be liar if I didn’t say my inner monologue didn’t occasionally go wild when I saw someone or something that didn’t fit with my perception with what I deemed as normal or socially acceptable. Sat in a cafe or bar or just walking down the street, my radar would scan wildly and I would find myself mentally judging people. There was no ill intent, these thoughts were never meant for public viewing but I just couldn’t help myself sometimes and yet now I found myself with a target firmly placed upon me.

My left hand was now ‘wonky’, missing two fingers and a thumb, although Id not yet seen it, I knew it wouldn’t be pretty and walking down the street it would be completely out of place with what was considered normal. I would now be the one who would be judged, small children would point at me, others would either stare or try to sneak a look and wonder what had happened to me. I didn’t see the accident as a punishment, I had thoroughly brought it upon myself but over the days Id had to reflect on my new form, I decided that perhaps God had thought If I been able to regain my hand Id probably return to my old ways, so this needed to be a permanent lesson.

Seven was my lucky number and that was the number of fingers I had left now, so I took that as a good sign, the rest of my body was healthy and now I had a new chance of making the best of the life ahead of me. I was overwhelmed with the support from my family, fiancee and friends, in the day after I was contacted by a number of people who showed just how much I meant to them. They reached out to me and showed me true friendship and I was again humbled, the world wasn’t as bad a place as I had painted it in my head. There was a lot of good out there, I just needed to get the right filter and look past all the bad.

My inner judge was now retired for life, I now chose to only see the good in everyone around me.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/please-help-save-me-so-i-can-help-others?utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer&utm_campaign=p_na+share-sheet&rcid=518a4756007b4902ad7c3c40205a48fd

By A single handed view on life!

Life has a funny way of surprising you sometimes and just when you least expect it you hit a bump in the road and things are never the same again. On 12th April 2020 I had a serious accident that would change the course of my life forever. I found myself at a crossroads and had to make a very quick decision, I could lay down and let it beat me or stand tall and face it head on, thankfully I chose the latter. This blog follows my recovery and how each day I learn to adapt and most importantly how I now see the world from a completely new perspective. My injury to me is life changing but over time I will recover, regain my strength and hopefully some of my mobility. They say life begins at 40, well my life has certainly been reset and I see this as a fantastic opportunity to start over and begin to enjoy life and it is my hope that I can reach out to others and give them hope and inspire them to find the strength to overcome their own problems.

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